>> Friday, September 30, 2011
Oh, and did I mention that Henry's getting baptized tomorrow? He is! We've got a big weekend of fun coming up! Lots of family time followed by a race!
A "Steve in a Speedo" fan on Facebook posted this a few days ago, and it's pretty good. Check out this guy's yoga mat post on craigslist:
Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows:
Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.
Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.
I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.
The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.
Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don't exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us.
Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed.
Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class.
It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other's body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don't worry, I'll mention them later.)
It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond.
It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I'm in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, "for better or worse" is what we committed to so we press on.
The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him.
I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.
It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see.
This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok?
140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don't get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!
150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed. I lose consciousness.
I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can't really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out.
I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok?
It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something?
Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and 'cool down' in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up.
My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level - probably by 15 degrees. So let's conservatively say it's 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door.
The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day's turmoil and mental scaring.
Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein -- effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir.
Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the "shakes" consume my body.
Note to self - check car for missing wet yoga towel in am.
Let me make my point with my "racing timeline" along with my thoughts during that given year. (If you'd like more info on any race that I mention, check out the sidebar under the given year.)
It was my second year of triathlon, and I was ONLY working on endurance. I did my first Half Ironman and my first (and so far only) Ironman. My finishing times weren't anything fantastic (5:49 half and 13:53 full), but I was in it to "get through it," and that's how I approached my training.
As I mentioned last week, I've been following Coach Jen's workouts from my TC 10 Mile training last year. But I've missed pretty much ALL of my cross-training workouts, and I've missed about half of my runs. But, as I mentioned in my "Tip of the Week" post a few days ago, I've been making sure to try to get some "race pace" miles incorporated into my long runs.
This post will be split into 5 small sections:
A. Year-to-year comparison
B. Splits from the last 2 years at the TC 10 Mile
C. Predictions for this years TC 10 Mile
D. Other race-day thoughts
E. Why I haven't been training as consistently this year
Part A: Year-to-year comparison:
Here's how some recent "important" runs went (comparing last year to this year but without the full notes as to not give away all of Jen's coaching secrets), and then my thoughts on my current level of fitness:
- Wed Aug 31: Medium distance run with last 2 miles at sub 6:05 pace.
2010: 2 miles in 12:00.
2011: 2 miles in 12:01.
"Holy hell. I might be in better shape than I think this year!"
- Sat Sept 3: Long with with Ross. I briefly posted about this 3 weeks ago. I crashed at the end of this run. Walked twice.
"I'm no where near the shape I was in last year. Poop."
- Thurs Sept 8: Long run: 2 miles easy, 1 mile building, 5 miles FASTER than race pace.
2010: 29:26 for the 5 miles.
2011: 31:44 for the 5 miles.
"I'm depressed. Shoot." But, for what it's worth, I did this in the heat of the day between class and a school ceremony and on a course with slight more hills than I'm used to.
- Sun Sept 11: Long descending run: warm up for 2, then descend for 5.
Descend miles in 2010: 6:22, 6:25, 6:12, 5:52, 5:47 for a total of 30:38.
Descend miles in 2011: 6:59, 6:29, 6:14, 6:01, 5:41 for a total of 31:23.
"Slower than last year, sure. But that's the FIRST sub-6 I saw in a LONG time! Yay!!"
- Tues Sept 13: All-out descending tempo. After a WU and before a CD, descend 4 tempo miles.
2010: 6:03, 5:55, 5:42, 5:45 for a total of 23:25.
2011: 5:52, 6:02, 5:45, 5:45 for a total of 23:24!
"ONE second FASTER than last year! YA-HOOOOO!!!" Sure, it's not a perfect "descend," but I was working my ASS off for the run. And I KNOW this 1 run doesn't mean I'm in better shape than last year at this time. Duh. Still... I'm happy.
- Sun Sept 18: Long run: 2 miles WU with 5 miles at race pace, then long cool-down.
2010: 29:26 for the 5 miles.
2011: 30:00 for the 5 miles.
"This is AWESOME!! Yes, it's still 34 seconds slower, but this was a killer run! Confidence booster!"
- 10 Mile PR (sub-59:05): 0.00% chance. Nope. Not happening. Never in a million years. Don't call me negative. Call me realistic.
- Sub-60:00: 10% chance. This MIGHT be possible this year. One fact that needs to be thrown into the mix is that I've gone sub-60 before; my body knows how to do it. Now, WILL I be able to do it on less training? Doubtful. But if the morning is perfect, my legs are light, and there's a hurricane-force wind from the west... it's possible. (It's a point-to-point run with the final 4.5 miles heading straight east down Summit Ave.)
- "Pre-coached" 10 Mile PR (sub-1:02:19): 65% chance. I think this is what will happen. Using what Coach Jen gave me last year will keep me working hard. I've been doing many of the "important" run workouts this year from my training log last year. She taught me how to suffer, but I don't think I can "suffer my way" to a sub-60 finish. But I THINK I can keep it under 1:02:19.
- 10 Mile PW (1:02:44 or slower): 25% chance. This is quite possible. My SPEED is there, but my ENDURANCE is not. So I could really die in the closing miles.
... in the mail a week ago.
Here's a peak:
Every man has asked himself this question:
Turn up the volume.
From Yahoo Sports:
Runner carries injured foe half mile to help in middle of race
By Jonathan Wall
Josh Ripley didn't have to stop. Running in a recent cross country meet for Andover (Minn.) High, the junior varsity runner was making his way through the trail at the Applejack Invite when he heard a loud scream during the first mile of a two-mile race. Most of the other kids running didn't pay much attention to Lakeville South runner Mark Paulauskas, who was writhing in pain at the time, as they passed by.The only person who decided to pay attention was Ripley. As an Anoka-Hennepin school district release reported, Ripley immediately noticed Paulauskas holding his bloody ankle. Then, instead of running back and calling for help, he did the only thing he could think of: He carried the injured runner a half mile back to coaches and family members.
"I didn't think about my race, I knew I needed to stop and help him," Ripley said in the school district release. "It was something I would expect my other teammates to do. I'm nothing special; I was just in the right place at the right time."
It was a good thing Ripley had the foresight to carry Paulauskas so he could be rushed to the emergency room. When Paulauskas arrived at the hospital, doctors realized he had been accidentally spiked by another runner's shoe during the race. The injury required 20 stitches and a walking boot to keep the wounded area from opening up.
Andover cross country coach Scott Clark couldn't believe what he heard when word got to him that Ripley was carrying another runner back to the starting line.
"Then Josh comes jogging into view carrying a runner," Clark said. "I noticed the blood on the runner's ankle as Josh handed him off to one of the coaches from Lakeville. Josh was tired and you could tell his focus was off as he started back on the course."
I've been trying to re-do some of the workouts that Coach Jen gave me last year for the TC 10 Mile. They really have me thinking about what the POINT of the runs were when Coach Jen gave them to me a year ago. Last year, I just did the runs like coach said - like a soldier receiving orders. "Yes Ma'am." Don't think I'm complaining... she got the job done! This year, I really started looking at WHY I was given certain runs. There's one thing that really stood out in the workouts I was given.
And lots of 'em.
My issue in the past was that I was OVER-TRAINED. I would run most every training run HARD. I knew that when I worked with Coach Jen last year that she'd "slow me down" a bit to keep me from over-training and burning out my legs. But as I look back over my training from last year, I saw something familiar in every run: there were at least 2 miles in about 80% of my runs that were at race pace.
- If it was an easy, easy, easy day, I wasn't doing race-pace running, but that was only about once every-other week.
- If it was an easyish day, it might have been 6 miles with miles 4 and 5 at 6:00 pace (my goal pace last year for the TC 10 Mile).
- If it was a tempo day, the run contained 4 or so miles FASTER than race pace.
- If it was a long run day, I'd maybe run a total of 10-12 miles, but 5 or so would be around race pace.
There was always an easy warm-up, and always an easy cool-down, but most runs contained some FAST running. And all of this did NOT lead to over-training, and I nailed my sub-60 goal with a 59:05 finish:
The official photos are in from Pharmie's St. Croix Valley Sprint Tri 2 weeks ago. It was 12 weeks after giving birth and her first race since the easy 5K she ran a few days before Henry arrived.
My new job and my new little man have been taking a lot of time lately. Compare my training from the last 5 weeks LAST YEAR to the last 5 weeks THIS YEAR:
If you're a nerd, you'll laugh:
If you remember, I did the Lake Marion Tri a few weeks ago with Justin and Matt. THEY look great in the photos. I do not.
Here, let me prove it to you.
These are the "official" photos from the race. Here's one of Matt getting into the zone: